Sneak Peak - First 2 pages of my upcoming book - introduction.

This is a rough draft of my book introduction, and I am sharing to get feedback.

• What resonated with you?

• What would you want more of?

• Did you feel connected to the piece?

I am putting this out there for positive and constructive criticism that can help the piece.

Here goes....(rough draft!)

Book Introduction

I was chef and owner of the Wakefield Inn and Bed and Breakfast with a seasonal restaurant. We were set to reopen for summer dining in just over a week and I desperately needed this income to stay afloat. The summer issue of New Hampshire Magazine had just hit the shelves and I was their featured restaurant. Surely this would be the boost I needed to get back on track financially. I had already been through so much since buying this business in Feb 2007 – who can forget the Great Recession – but yet I had managed to hold on…barely. But holding on cost me my marriage. Was the stress of these past 6 years bubbling to the surface? I was balanced on a razor thin blade of success, failure was one misstep away.

Standing in my bathroom, just like any typical morning, but this morning would become a morning I would remember for the rest of my life. I had just felt a lump. My heart sank. This could not happen at a worse time. I had just gone through a bitter divorce which left me holding on to my dream business by a thread. I had no money to hire a chef to fill in for me. To top it off I was a single mom with no financial backup plan. And worst of all I had no health insurance.  

Part of me wanted to ignore the lump - it could be nothing after all - and hope it went away. But I owed it to my 3 daughters, ages 8,14, and 16, to go to the doctor and see if this thing was just a lump, and not a life changing tumor. My mind swam with all the thoughts and emotions and what ifs. How would I afford the medical bills? How the hell would I get through this alone? What if it was breast c….., not even going to say the word! How does anyone get through this?

Plucking up my courage I made an appointment to get an exam. But I had a bigger decision to make, do I go ahead with opening the restaurant? It would mean extending my credit further with the thousands of dollars in food and wine the 5-course fine dining menu required. Yet I needed the money dinner service brought in. However, if I did need to close for any illness how was I to repay this debt. If I played it safe, and did not open the restaurant, I still had the revenue from the rooms. But would it leave me with enough money to get through the long off-season? 

The harsh reality is that in a tourist driven business the income ebbed and flowed, but the bills did not. I opted to play it safe. I held off the opening.

One medical test after another culminated in a biopsy about 6 weeks later. My energy was as drained as my bank account by the end of this ordeal. Even though in the end I found out the lump was in fact benign, it was far too late to reopen the restaurant. I had lost the momentum of the summer season. At a time when I should be celebrating knowing it wasn’t breast cancer, I was instead caught in life’s bitter sweet embrace. The income loss from not opening the restaurant was simply too great, it was the nail in the coffin. 

After 6 months of trying everything, including selling what valuable possessions I had and attempting to negotiate new terms with the bank (they would not budge), I had to face the facts. I was forced to close and sell the business I had poured my blood, sweat, and tears into for the past 6 years. I filed for bankruptcy, I was ruined financially. There were days when it was all I could do to just breathe in and out, let alone look like I was keeping it together for my family. 

I was lucky to have options for housing, but I had little else. My greatest challenge was financial stability. The kind that would last and get me out of the situation of living paycheck to paycheck – one small disaster away from ruin. 

The paths before me were many and few at the same time. As a chef and business owner I worked long hours. It is not uncommon for most people in the hospitality industry to work 70-80 hour weeks; a majority of those being nights and weekends. Owning the bed and breakfast had allowed me to be home and work at the same time. But I no longer had that luxury. The next step became clear, I had to go to work for someone else. 

Sure, I could get a job easily as a talented chef. But my kids weren’t too keen on the idea. 

“Mom, please don’t be a chef again. We will never see you,” the girls begged.  

Sadly they were right and frankly I didn’t want to either. I no longer had the energy to work hours on my feet for low wages and a sore back. But did I possess the strength to make a drastic change to forge ahead on a new path? Did I have the mental and physical tools to accomplish this? At 42, could I find another path?

The vast expanse of potential pathways overwhelmed me. I could just take any job and work for a meager paycheck with no personal satisfaction, so many did this everyday. Some non-rewarding positions that came to mind such as cashier and administrative assistant, were jobs I had done before. I dreaded going back to that kind of work; I did not find them challenging nor stimulating. But what choice did I have? I wanted something that didn’t feel like work, I craved something to feed my hunger for knowledge, but were those options even on the menu? I guess I could just accept anything and hope things would improve later. It was certainly the path of least resistance. But what if I didn’t? Was I up for another challenge in the wake of my recent failure?

How about you? Have you failed? Have you needed to find a new path in life? Have you found yourself thinking; What if…? I wonder what would happen if…? when taking stock of your life and pondering a new direction? Have you found yourself comparing your path in life to others, thinking you are not doing it right?

Fear of failure can hold us hostage or it can be one of life’s greatest teachers. In our society, I believe people have forgotten about the value of mistakes and failures. We are either held back by failure, afraid of not creating the perfect outcome right out of the gate. Or we hide our mistakes away from the public to give the appearance of perfection. But perhaps even worse is taking the safe path, or a path traveled before, guaranteeing a good outcome but denying ourselves opportunities for personal growth. We must push against this mindset, and embrace curiosity, try something new, and open ourselves to the wonder of possibility. 

What would you do? Would you play it safe, or take the risk?